Tired and Uninspired

Probably not the best idea to start a blog the day before I start summer class -.- But I figure a blog isn't something I should feel pressured to update daily. I don't want to update just to update. I really want to have good stuff to put on here so that it's not just one boring post after another. Mostly, though, it's because I want to update when I feel ready- this blog is as much for me (if not more) as it is for everyone I'm sharing it with. So what you might ask would inspire me to update today?

Well, I happen to have an interview in 40 minutes, and I am driving myself a little bit crazy sitting at the dining room table in my dimly lit apartment (you know when it's still light enough outside that it would be weird to turn the lights on but it's getting darker so the room feels dim and quiet). This is my first time interviewing for an internship, and I am doing everything I can to maintain this calm facade. I'm on the verge of bursting at the seams! I feel like the ocean when it looks really calm and peaceful on the surface all the while underneath all sorts of craziness is going on.

I literally sat here and told myself "Relax, relax. Exhale. And breath." At that moment, I rediscovered an old love. This old love is called "Tired and Uninspired" by My American Heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKddts3mbFA

I first heard this song when AJ Rafael, a Filipino YouTube singer, performed a cover of it a couple years back. Some may call it emo but I think it's a great reflection of those moments that I'm sure everyone gets (if not everyone then at least myself). Those moments when you feel lost or just tired and uninspired with your life. Those moments when you don't understand why things feel so monotonous or the ones when you feel hopeless. The reason why I don't think it's an emo song (in the negative sense that so many people attach to this term) is because regardless of all these depressing feelings I just described, the lyrics to this song call for strength and support.

"Be strong for me, I'll be strong for you.
You are the earth beneath my feet,
You are my gravity."

At first, I believed this song to only apply to romantic relationships. But I choose to see it differently now. Regardless of what type of relationship you may have with someone, they can still be your gravity- what keeps you grounded. It would be absurd to believe that only romantic partners could be that for me. If I believed that, I would have no one I feel I could turn to or to be my rock. And so this song for me has taken on a new meaning from when I first heard it. I can sit here, anxious and shaking, and remember the lyrics to this song and feel calmer knowing that once this new, scary thing is over, I have people I can go to afterwards. Similar to that "life goes on" mentality, it is comforting to know that one scary thing isn't the end of the world and regardless of the outcome, the people you need will be there waiting on the other side of it.

A Bit about My American Heart:

A rock band from San Diego with Larry Soliman as main singer, Jesse Barrera as bass guitarist, Clint Delgado and Jeremy Mendez on guitar, and Steven Oira on Drums. Entered the emo rock scene with debut album "The Meaning In Make-up." A couple years after their 2nd album, "Hiding Inside The Horrible Weather, " the band split in 2009.

"Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness." ~Maya Angelou, Gather Together in My Name